Now that I’m here I realize just how far away I am from you, Lord. I thought I was edging closer by my own power but in reality, I’ve been drawing further and further away. Fear besets me in the season of early uncertainty. How could I betray what I accepted and cower away?
How easy is it to run away from the things we don’t understand out of the fear that we were never worthy? I’m cowering, bowing down to fear and uncertainty, being influenced by the enemy's subtle hints to run away. What could I possibly do for you, Lord? This pressure to be “perfect” is too great, I don’t want it! But God I don’t want to feel so far away. How could I abandon you? It seems like I already have huh?
I’ve been ducking you, avoiding your presence. I’ve grown comfortable with who I already was now I can’t see who I’ll become in you because I can’t see you. My eyes have been glossed with self-indulgence and personal comfort. I like my current friends, I like my current environment, and if not, I’m used to it enough to the point where it doesn’t bother me.
The only issue is that I don’t know what I’m looking for anymore. Every time I look to you, it’s like I can’t reach you. Like I’m not enough anymore. Like it’s just me all alone. I’m afraid of my purpose, I’m afraid of my calling, and somewhere along the line I became afraid of you.
I’m cowering…from who? You Lord.
I bet none of us can say these things without the pressure of guilt and shame weighing in on our hearts. Could you imagine how much it would take to admit that you’re hiding from God? Could you imagine what he’s thinking up above?
Change that phrase from I’m cowering to I won’t cower. What do you have to be afraid of?
You think God is going to kill you because you aren’t strong enough to take on the world yourself? You think he’s just going to up and ditch you because oh, you’re struggling, THE STRUGGLE IS A PART OF LIFE. And the Bible says in Isaiah 41:10. Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
What on earth makes you think you’re alone? What, because people begin leaving all of a sudden God's not on your side? Because things all of the sudden don’t change right away, God's not there? Do we not trust in the comforter of our souls?
Jesus didn’t come down here and die for us to be afraid of him. I’m sorry but we are way too carnal in this generation. We pin God to natural things and all of a sudden when those things aren’t “providing” the way we think they should because “I GOT GOD ON MY SIDE!” we’re quick to go back to who we used to be. This is the reason so many of us get embarrassed and afraid and cower before God because we know good and well that we’re limiting him. We know good and well that we aren’t doing our due Diligence.
We know we aren’t being intentional unless things go in our favor. We lean on our own strength until we find we’re too weak. We lean on our own devices until we realize they’re limited. We trust in our own resources without any desire to look up. And when God asks us where have we gone, we hide!
Like Adam and Eve, we hide ourselves when we are most vulnerable. That’s exactly what the enemy wants. He wants us to edge further and further away from God, he wants us to lose our faith and our hope in Jesus, and let me tell you that if you’re not in this for the long run, you will definitely be one of those ones hiding when he calls for you. Lord knows that I’d hate for that to be me.
How much does he have to do to convince you that he loves you?
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.”
James 4:8 KJV
I don’t know where you think you’re going by burying yourself in a corner. God knows who and what you’re struggling with. He knows what you need to grow, mature, and expand in. Do you trust him? Or are you running from him?
How hard is it for us to meet him in prayer rather than venturing into the world? We have to learn how to humble ourselves and give it to him straight. “Lord, I’m not ok, I need help,” how hard is it to say that?
All God wants is consistency. If you aren’t committed how can I even as a man trust you to be of service to me? As a friend or brother, I can’t rely on you. If you bottle everything up because “oh I’m strong,” you’re dumb because you are doing the exact opposite of what everyone in the Bible did when they sought God. Oh but we don’t need him so I guess you’re right, never mind.
I guess we don’t need Galatians 5:22-23. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
I guess we don’t need the good things of God. This is beyond natural. This is internal. Open your eyes and see that this is bigger than right now, this is eternity we’re talking about. If you keep running to and from God if I were him I’d get sick of it. But I’m not and he loves you more than I ever could. His disciples had doubt, fear, and anxiety but they never left his side. Where are you going? To people, places, and things to fill the void that God used to inhabit. It doesn’t have to be that way. In Matthew Jesus says (Matthew 11:28-30.) Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Commit thy works to the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established. Proverbs 16:3
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: For as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
Who is in control? This is the question we must answer. The reason we run is often because we feel that there is a lack of power in our hands. When we are changing and being molded by God we often feel powerless, weak, and weird. Does he not know you better than anyone else?
He created you. Are you ashamed to be imperfect? Let that go. It’s not always going to be easy but he’ll never stop loving you. Stay consistent, commit, go deeper…the Bible says
1 Peter 5:6-7. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he might exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon him for he careth for you.
1 John 2:15. Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the father is not in him.
Why would I hide from the God that desires to save me?
I won’t cower…from who? You Lord.
Will you?
Season 2 "The Dream"
Emmanuel Wallace
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