I thought it was all over. I felt I had done all that I could. I worked day and night trying to perfect my craft, trying to grasp what I was trying to convey to the audience I didn't have. At one point I thought I wouldn't make it. I thought no matter how much I wrote or how deep I went into the archives of my heart, I wouldn't be bold enough to speak about it. I never thought I'd be brave enough to speak out about my reimagined dream. At first, I thought no one would care what a mere teenager with a lot of thoughts had to say. At first, I considered my words, the words God gave/gives me to write, to be just words. I thought they had no depth outside of me. At one point I was afraid to embrace the one talent I feel like I was capable of confidently portraying a deeper measure of myself. I was afraid to accept the depth God gave me to use, I feared the message because I felt no one would understand me. How could they? How could I, when the things leaking onto the page illustrated thoughts and questions I didn't know were there?
For me, learning to be usable unto God was difficult at first. Walking behind a light you can't see beyond can be crazy at first, at least until you learn how to just follow and not worry about the extra. Letting go, it's funny how when you're chasing a dream, it's necessary to let it go. At least if it's in God. Initially, I wasn't willing to relinquish control, so I wrote with my feelings. I sold and advertised just because I was anxious to prove a point and make a quick buck. I wanted to prove I could do it by myself, I wanted to prove that I'd survive with my own skill, and I wanted to make sure I could make my hard work pay off. I wanted someone to notice me but I wanted to hide all the same. At one point I hoped I could get a quick buck. As I mentioned earlier in the previous posts of this series, I had no motive outside of self-satisfaction. When I let it all go, I realized I was overworking myself with no real purpose in mind. I realized It had to, no, it has to be bigger than me. When I realized what God saved me from, that isolation, fear, worry, and doubt of true acceptance. When I realized that he used writing to pull me out of darkness, how he used his word (the Bible) to spur and inspire me, to ignite something real in me, how he had been inspiring my every word, thought, and idea from the beginning up until now...everything changed.
Could you imagine being left listless and alone, trapped by your own hand covering your mouth? Could you imagine having the unbearable desire to scream through clasped lips? Could you imagine the self-made pressure of someone desperate to feel like more than a shadow? God brought me out and changed my perspective on the dream I now hold dearer than ever to my heart.
Quickness became patience. Haste became calamity. desire became hope. I became you. At one point in every dreamer's life, they must ask themselves...What's more important, the results? or the process? the growth or development? The dream or the source of the dream? you have to decide if your character is more important than your status. will you jeopardize everything for the temporary substance of this life? I'll tell you one thing... it's so much sweeter to make a difference than to build a brand without a true message. Although, on a natural level, it seems as if I'm working for myself, by myself...I'm not. I'm working with a bigger, better partner than anyone can offer me with skill. I don't hype myself or my work as much as I should but take some time out to genuinely check out our work. we have some amazing new books coming out soon as well, so STAY TUNED. THESE ARE NOT TO BE MISSED, SHARE THESE WITH EVERYONE YOU CAN! There is a message/story that you do not want to overlook. This is only the beginning. Help us change lives, one small world at a time!
Season 2 "The Dream"
By: Emmanuel D. Wallace
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